Tuesday, 23 April, 2002

Feeling Slightly Depressed

I've not been posting entries regularly for quite some time now.  I've tried to pass it off as my being too busy, but today I finally realized that I'm just having difficulty finding the motivation to do anything other than the absolutely minimum necessary.  I've been unhappy for the silliest reason:  I temporarily forgot that my happiness is my own responsibility.  Things and people aren't going to make me enjoy my life.  I'm not going to find happiness in new friends, new things, or easier work.  Happiness, like unhappiness, is a positive feedback loop.  If I wake up in the morning and think "It's going to be a good day," then I'm halfway there.  All I have to do, whenever something unexpected happens, is maintain the right attitude and things don't faze me.  They have a way of working out.  It's when I don't get enough sleep, or when I don't take time to sit back and relax from time to time, that I let small worries and little problems disrupt my attitude.  It becomes a vicious feedback loop, where each small disappointment pushes me closer and closer to becoming the type of lethargic, cynical, spiteful person I most detest.

Fortunately, Debra and my friends aren't afraid to slap me upside the head repeatedly until I get the message.  Things are looking up.